So this is the new year

I'm starting 2008 by burping up champagne while watching "To Catch a Predator."  If this is any indication of how the rest of this year goes, I'll be a happy camper... I mean, who doesn't enjoy the delicious combination of pedophiles and light-headedness at three in the morning? 

I love it how this show is so cruel to these teen touchers.  They get tempted by seeing this really attractive female actress who entices them with promise of a hot tub tryst, which is faithfully interrupted by the blue-baller himself, Chris Hansen.  And if branding them as perverse, stigmatized individuals on national television wasn't enough, Cooper then rereads their pathetic attempts at seduction over AIM.  I don't think any 13 year-old is naive enough to be turned on by a man's egregious claim that his single goal in life is to give her outstanding pleasure.  Once you enter into womanhood, even at such a young age, you quickly realize that no such creature exists.

Halloween Review

Unfortunately Rob Zombie's remake of Halloween wasn't as good as I imagined it to be.  You don't know how stoked I was for this film to come out.  In lieu of productivity, I surfed the random web coverage of the movie from the announcement of initial filming to actual release.  I was in London when it came out in the States and didn't quite feel like shelling out the equivalent of $24 to see it a month later.  Instead, I'd wait the painful four months to rent it from Blockbuster.

That was my first mistake.  I watched the unrated director's cut, as opposed to the theatrical version.  After surfing the IMDB boards, I learned that a lot of scenes were dramatically changed or erased in the theatrical version.  The biggest example is the scene of Michael's escape.  In the theatrical version, Michael murders the orderlies and escapes from the prison as he is being transferred to a different cell.  In the unrated version, two orderlies drag in a female mental patient from an adjacent cell to Michael's bed and proceed to brutally rape her for a good two minutes before Michael gets up and kills them.  I get that Zombie wanted to turn Halloween into his trademark blood-tinged gorefest (see the gun in panties scene from The Devil's Rejects), but scenes such as this one prove more cruel than effective.  If we are supposed to view Myers as a cold-blooded killer, why would we want to feel that the murders of the orderlies are even semi-justified? I feel that if Zombie wanted to keep this scene, he should have gone all the way with it and showed Michael killing the brutalized girl along with the orderlies.  

Similar to this scene, there were countless added bits of dialog to the director's cut that made the movie seem forced in its vulgarity.  To me, there are two kinds of horror movies- those that take themselves seriously and those that have an over-the-top, campy quality to them.  I believe that Zombie's intent was to make this movie fit into the former.  His ultimate aim extended beyond solely remaking a classic to adding his own believable back story that explains the evolution of Michael's murderous psyche.  And Zombie takes this aim very seriously in his screenwriting as demonstrated by one of Dr. Loomis' monologues:

"These eyes will deceive you, they will destroy you.  They will take from you, your innocents, your pride, and eventually your soul.  These eyes do not see what you and I see.  Behind these eyes one finds only blackness, the absence of light, these are the eyes of a psychopath." 

Such serious monologues delivered by Dr. Loomis exploring these subjects sound ridiculous when juxtaposed against the dialog of exaggeratedly horny teenagers.  I'm not suggesting that Zombie should eliminate such trademark lines as "Bitch, I will crawl over there and I will skull fuck the shit out of you!" (coming out of the mouth of a crippled man, no less), only that he shouldn't have to employ them every other sentence in the script to maintain his voice.  When producing a remake, it is crucial for a filmmaker to employ his own interpretation into the original script lest it resemble Gus Van Sant's frame-by-frame imagining of Psycho.  However, some original elements of the story must also be allowed to shine through.  Unfortunately, the vulgarity of Zombie's script eliminates from the tense, jump out of your seat moments that made the original Halloween so well-renowned.  

Before you start calling me a nun, let me move on to the parts of the movie I did enjoy.  Regardless of vulgar filler, Zombie's re-imagining of Halloween as a combined prequel and remake was particularly genius.  I especially enjoyed his use of Michael's masks as a metaphor for a catatonic retreat from the realities of an undesirable home life.  Additionally, his use of gore and violence was inspired.  The casting of former wrestler Tyler Pane as the elder Michael allowed the character an abnormal amount of strength with which to wreck his victims.  And the final, bloody scene? Classic.  

I would recommend Halloween to fans of Zombie's past two films or any exploitation fare (again, I'll warn you that this movie is pretty vulgar and that's coming from ME, Ms. Blood n' Guts herself).  You might want to refrain from watching it if you loved the original for its suspense and restraint.  

    

Best Movies of 2007

Top 8 Movies of 2007 (not in any particular order).  There are only eight because I spent four months in London forgoing movies because they were to expensive and thus didn't see some that potentially could make the list, such as Eastern Promises, 3:10 to Yuma, Rescue Dawn, Once, etc.  I guess I'll just have to wait until they come out on DVD and then revise this.

1. Deathproof- As much as film critics have hemmed and hawed over Grindhouse, I truly enjoyed every second of Tarantino and Rodreguiz's B-movie masterpiece.  While Planet Teror was amazing and the trailers were hilarious, Death Proof really stood out to me.  The movie had the same atmospheric quality to it as a David Lynch movie, and in certain parts, I really felt that Tarantino was able to see into my nightmares and reflected them on screen.  It doesn't hurt that the movie features one of the best stunt sequences I have seen (with no help of CGI or wires!) and probably the funniest ending ever.  

 

2. Juno- Probably my favorite movie of the year.  Adorable, hilarious and heart-wrenching.  I love Michael Cera and Ellen Page!  Watch Arrested Development, watch Hard Candy because in Juno they're just carrying on the fantastic performances from these movies.  

3. Mr. Brooks- Bryan and I watched this thriller not too long ago, and we both agreed that we'd like to own the DVD.  One of those movies that actually creeped me out to the point where I kept on having to open my eyes at night to make sure the title character wasn't standing over my bed.  If you liked No Country for Old Men, I think you'll like this movie... possibly even more.  

4. Zodiac- Seven and The Game are two of my favorite movies, so I entered Zodiac with high expectations.  David Fincher did not disappoint.  Elusive and atmospheric, Zodiac (much like Day Night Day NIght) kept me tense and on the edge of my chair the entire movie, solely relying on suspense and atmosphere to keep me there.  

5. Into the Wild- One of those movies that stuck with me long after it was over.  I have yet to read the book, but John Krakuer also wrote Under the Banner of Heaven, which is a really informative depiction of Fundamental Latter Day Saints.  Emile Hirsh is fantastic and Eddie Vedder's score was a pleasure to listen to.  The only issue I had with this movie were its overtly symbolic shots of nature, which were a My Own Private Idaho rip-off if I've ever seen one.  

6. Eagle vs. Shark- This movie is worth seeing regardless of your opinion of Napoleon Dynamite.  While it certainly bears similarities, Lilly and Jarred make Napoleon and Pedro look like George Clooney and Brad Pitt in comparison.  Beautifully indie without being pretentious.  Additionally, I must say this movie quite resembles my awkward love life. 

   

7. Day Night Day Night- Follows the course of a young suicide bomber in NYC over the course of two days.  This movie had me at the edge of my seat, my hands sweaty and heart pounding, without anything "really" happening.  The best acting performance of the year from Luisa Williams.    

8. Black Snake Moan- Samuel L. Jackson chaining a half naked Christina Ricci to a radiator in an attempt to cure her nymphomania makes a great movie.  The fact that it is well-shot and acted are simply an added bonus.